When Food Becomes My Addiction

“Please hide the cookies. Don’t let me see or hear where you hide it.” says me.

“Please put the bread out of my sight. Better yet, don’t buy la. It’s processed bread. No good one.” I say. And yet, I still sneakily eat it especially when nobody’s around.

“Ok, eat just a bit.” I say. A little while later, “Ok, I’m eating just a bit nia.” I say.

“Ok, last one!” I say. A little while later, the hand grab for more.

“Why do you finish it, and don’t leave some for us?” says sister *points to junk food Haha

“Don’t eat that, it’s no good.” says sister.
“I know. I’m aware of it, and I will take care of myself.” I say. *lying+tricking myself perhaps?

“That’s why la. Eat so much, now you don’t feel good!” says sister.

Hi, my name is Amy 👋, and I’m addicted to food.

Now, if only I’m addicted to healthy food, then it’s not that bad. Of course, overeating anything ain’t good whether it’s good or bad. Thing is, I’m addicted to sweets and processed (junk) food and overeating them. By overeating, that means I eat until full and bloated.

Here are 4 reasons why I’m addicted to food:

1. Emotional + stress eating
I can’t remember when I started reaching out for sweet+processed food more frequent than usual. Surely it has got to do with covering up unpleasant feelings + emotions, stress and traumas.

I’m actively doing these activities to help myself: meditation, affirmation, visualization, manifestation, breathwork, stretching, yoga, cold shower, grounding, tapping, and just today I started journalling.

2. Habits + convenience
Sweets and processed (junk) food are conveniences. Reach out a package, tear it open and the mindless or not, eating begin. It’s easy, right? For me, I mostly reach out for them whenever I’m in front of the computer. I also consider sweets and processed (junk) food as treats for special occasion like birthdays or when I want to award myself. I bet you do too. It’s the conditioning.

While I have gotten rid of my personal stash of unhealthy snacks in the house, my family still buys them. Hence, I continue reaching out for them as much as I try not too. I also sometimes buy a snack or two to award myself!!! *No wonder I keep failing. For healthy snacks, I eat these: cheese, butter, yogurt, soft-boiled and hard-boiled egg, siu yuk, some nuts and fruits.

3. The way I talk (think) to myself
I know unhealthy food is bad, hence I told myself I cannot eat it. I realized that telling myself CANNOT will make me want to eat it even more. It’s like the forbidden apple. If you are a kid again and your parents tell you that you cannot eat or buy something, you surely will rebel more, right?

So recently, I changed my speech to this: “It’s not because I cannot eat it. I choose not to eat.” I feel empowered. 💪

4. Eating sugar+processed food made me more addicted to them
There was a very short period last year where I ate ONLY real-nourishing homemade food, and nothing else. At that time, I could see and feel the improvements in my well-being, from soft baby smooth skins to feeling grounded and light, clear sharp mind plus so much more. The best thing is I wasn’t craving any sweets, carbs and processed food at all.

Then I broke the streak with “just a teeny-weeny” sugar+processed food. No harm right? Wrong!!! I haven’t been able to stop my addiction or overeating since then. I noticed a lot of times that once I eat sugar and processed (junk) food, I tend to get more and more addicted to them. It’s a cycle. Ohh, don’t get me started on the high feeling.

To counter or reduce getting into the addiction cycle, I need to make sure I don’t start my day with them. When I eat healthy first, and then snack on the unhealthy stuff, I don’t get attached to them much.

Ahem…

So with all this, I’m on my journey towards real-wholesome-nutrient-dense food. I feel like I’ve taken the red pill and woken. However, I’m still stuck in the matrix sans body & mind not one aka have the urge to eat unhealthy food all the time even though I know it’s bad.

Wish me luck, or wish us all luck towards our well-being voyage. Let’s ditch the programming.

p/s: Lots of snacks (healthy & especially unhealthy) were eaten during the writing of this post. Arghh!