My Beloved Grandma

My beloved grandma, the woman who raised me during the early parts of my life, the woman who taught me precious & priceless life lessons, the woman who guided me to cook, sew & garden and the woman who I loved ❤️❤️❤️ tremendously from the bottom of my heart had passed away a week plus ago. She was over 90 years of age and is survived by her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, nieces and nephews and more.

Taken on 20th September 2009. Nearly 11 years ago.

She was also the woman who suffered from depressing family events, the woman who toiled for her family, the woman who worried for her family, the woman who suffered from several illnesses and the woman who survived a stroke. Despite all the shortcomings, she was spiritually stronger than ever until the last few months where she told us she wanted to end the physical suffering.

About a year ago, she started having memory loss but she never ever forgets us. The stuff she forgot was who visited her, what she ate, today’s date or month. She also demanded food like durian, pork floss and dodol. Haha

We knew it was coming. I knew it was coming. Still, to witness it all and not able to do anything was really crushing. Last year, I told grandma of another alternative, one that will deem the majority of what we’ve come to know to be invalid. In my opinion, her case was inflammations due to toxicity from several decades of medication (E.g. she took the statin for over a decade) and not drinking enough water. I tried convincing her several times. Alas, the brainwashing was too deep or/and perhaps she’s tired. She said she wanted to follow the current path. I had immense guilt during that time and had to give myself several tearful pep talks to finally feel OK again. At least I knew I tried. At the end of the day, we all follow the path we choose for ourself.

On the night of her passing, I cried a river the moment my eyes laid on her. She looked so fragile and small. She had basically shrunk. We had visited her the previous two days, and whenever she told us she’s very tired, we told her to sleep. She looked very peaceful after her passing. I am super glad that she’s no longer suffering physically.

I’m sorry for being a very naughty granddaughter when I was young.

I’m sorry for being a stubborn granddaughter growing up times.

I’m sorry for thinking you were a nuisance when all you’re doing are dote, care and worry on your children & grandchildren.

I’m glad to be able to tell you “I love you” many times towards the end of your time. I didn’t say it out loud but used hand symbols to let you know. Still, I explained that it meant LOVE.

I knew I was going to miss you and here I am, missing you lots. Don’t worry it’s just the attachment of physical beings.

I love you very very very much, Ah ma. Don’t worry about us ya. We are doing well and will continue doing well. You did fabulous in raising us all. Look how tall we are standing. Go on now and enjoy your level up consciousness.

My grandma had a wish for me for nearly two decades and unfortunately, I am unable to fulfil it yet. Ah ma, I will eventually fulfil your wish when the right time comes. ❤️

Thank you for everything Ah ma! Until we meet again in another lifetime or on the pure consciousness plane.

p/s: I cried lots while writing this in the early hours of the morning when everyone is still asleep.

pp/s: My grandma’s legacy can be found in the stories and recipes she taught me. Feel free to look for it in this blog and my food blog: Messy Witchen.

ppp/s: This is the reason why I was away from the social media world a week+ ago. My phone was almost in power off mode.

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